You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
