at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
