I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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