what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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