I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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