my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
