i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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