If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
