so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
