saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
