She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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