I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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