Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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