So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
