the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
