what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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