Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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