There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
