I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
