im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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