Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
