They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
