He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
