I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
