That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Barsexuality is the new black.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
