the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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