I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
