great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
