If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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