you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
