I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
