we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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