Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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