so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
