I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize