this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
