I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
