we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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