So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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