Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
