Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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