I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
did i just pee glitter
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
