you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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