Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
