Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize