A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
