i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
