i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
