Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
