Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
operation harelip BJ is a go
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
