new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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