I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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