You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
