he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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