He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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