I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
