I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
MIDGETS
????
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
