Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize