No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
