WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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