Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize