Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
