I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize