I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
