I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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