He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
