I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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