You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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