you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
