I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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