the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
