i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
