Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
