the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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