from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
